Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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