Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
