I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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