so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
