The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
