I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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