Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
