BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
being pregnant is like rehab
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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