so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
