***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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