either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
