I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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