wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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