Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize