so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
