I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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