Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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