My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
