oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Text me some of your sweat
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
