the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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