My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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