I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
