I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
