wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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