I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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