Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
