My room smells like vodka and shame
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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