O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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