I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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