Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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