She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
