I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
