Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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