This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
