I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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