look no pants
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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