you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
