The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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