Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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