well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
