I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
