Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Green mimosas i think yes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
