Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
