i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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