This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
