Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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