I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
