Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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