so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
