No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
