Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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