Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
