I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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