your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
