so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
