You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Be still, my beating vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
