I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someone shit on the floor
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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