How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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