I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
