I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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