You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
