# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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