wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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