Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
