My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
