Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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