She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize