Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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