Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Shame - the story of my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
