i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
