i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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