I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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