You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
