Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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